The Seattle Seahawks play the Pittsburgh Steelers at 4 PM PT in the 2022 preseason opener and I’m lucky to get the second half of this article idea finished before kickoff. Let’s see if it helped or not—I’ll be back with a “Everything important that happened today” newsletter afterwards but don’t worry: NO SPOILERS IN THE HEADLINE.
Well, this was an insane and probably stupid idea that took so much longer than I anticipated. Thinking I could actually somehow run through a 90-man roster in one post and one day, it’s time for part two of the Seahawks numbers primer special with a look at Seattle’s defense.
In case you missed it, I recorded a Seahawks podcast episode with Thad Wenatchee on Friday and you can listen to it before or after the game. It will still be relevant, which we had in mind when we recorded it. To not miss an episode, subscribe to Seaside Joe: A Football Podcast on your podcast app.
This might have been a bad idea but it did take a lot of work. Consider subscribing/supporting Seaside Joe today as we head into the start of the Seattle Seahawks preseason. Sharing this newsletter/blog with a Seahawks friend is HIGHLY appreciated.
62 - Jarrod Hewitt: Australian tennis pro Lleyton Hewitt, once ranked number one in the world, has a 62-percent winning percentage at the Australian open, his home tourney. Back in 1962, the winner of the Australian Open was Rod Laver. Rod ‘62, Hewitt 62%. Jar-rod Hewitt, 62.
67 - Myles Adams: I
f you lined up 67 atoms side-by-side, it would stretch for one mile. From 1946 to 1958, the U.S. conducted 67 nuclear weapons tests in the Marshall Islands. The explosions at Bikini Atoll would send the lagoon particles (atoms) a full mile (myles) into the sky. 67-Miles-Atoms.
76 - Antonio Valentino: ‘Bob Dylan - San Antonio ‘76’ is a live CD from a show he did in 1976 in San Antonio. And in 1987, performing at Wembley Stadium, Dylan pulled up a violin player on stage whom he did not know and had never met before to help him perform the song “Lenny Bruce.” That violin player’s name? Bobby Valentino.
77 - Quinton Jefferson: Airport ‘77 is a disaster movie about an airplane. Jefferson Airplane is a rock band best known for “Somebody to Love” and “White Rabbit.”
90 - Bryan Mone: Pronounced the same as “Monet.” Claude Monet’s Haystack series was among his most famous works and 1890’s Grainstacks sold for a Monet record $110.7 million in 2019. Bryan Mone’s recent contract extension is worth up to $110 million, but only if he comes up with $99 million of that on his own.
97 - Poona Ford: Poona is the name of one of the craters on Mars and while I have no way to connect that to ‘97’ that’s a cool fact I wanted to share. A movie called Mars was released in 1997. Mars Pathfinder is a spacecraft that landed on Mars in 1997. Mars is at least 97 miles away from Earth. (It’s 99 million miles away, maybe Poona should switch with Al Woods. The woods could be 97 miles away—depending on where you’re standing.) Poona Ford is 97 and you won’t forget anyway.
99 - Al Woods: He’s been playing like a guy who has raised his value to being one of the highest-rated players in Madden so you could say, “Woods’ stock: 99”
52 - Darrell Taylor: When you see the number ‘52’ just think of a deck of cards and then remember this custom deck of Taylor Swift playing cards. “Tell’er swift!”
91 - L.J. Collier: Larry Johnson, also known as “L.J.” and “Grandmama,” was the first pick in the 1991 NBA Draft.
93 - Shelby Harris: The movies Gone in 60 Seconds both feature a custom Shelby Mustang GT500; the original 1974 film is famous for having wrecked 93 cars during filming.
98 - Alton Robinson: The pilot for Alton Brown’s famous “Good Eats” cooking show premiered in July of 1998.
0 - Joel Dublanko: To blank or be blanked in sports is to shut out your opponent. The next time you sweep at cornhole you might say, “You just got dublanko’d.”
32 - James Houston: When you see ‘32’ just remember this bus and think of riding the Houston metro:
44 - Nick Bellore: Wrestler “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan used a 2x4 to beat opponents from all angles. Nick Bellore, who has two fours, also beats opponents from all angles.
46 - Lakiem Williams: The 46th episode of The H3 After Dark podcast is called Trisha VS Keemstar. It has been removed from YouTube for violating TOS on nudity. That may not be the case in France, where nudity is more accepted and not seen as a big deal. Also, in France, they probably call the episode: #46 Trisha VS Le Keemstar. LeKeemstar. Lakiem. #46. I don’t know y’all, this post is driving me crazy.
50 - Vi Jones:
V is the 50th letter of the alphabet. Former MTV VJ Carson Daly turns 50 next year. Vi-J.
55 - Ben Burr-Kirven (PUP): Right now, Burger King has a $5 “Your Way Mea” with a Double Whopper Jr, small fries, four-piece chicken nuggets, and a drink. I might just get TWO of those 5’s at BK.
56 - Jordyn Brooks: JB-56 is a handy round-wire tensile coil spring that I recommend for your coil spring needs. Let’s hope Jordyn Brooks bounces back from injury.
57 - Cody Barton: If you’re ever BARTin’ around San Francisco, consider taking the 57 line.
58 - Tanner Muse: John Samos is 58. Though he was Jesse Katsopolis in Full House, Stamos’ character was an honorary member of the Tanner family when his sister married Danny Tanner. Is this too many Full House references now to actually be able to remember the names/numbers?
59 - Jon Rhattigan: Rhattigan played for Army. The oldest-ever graduate of the Army’s Basic Training Academy was 59.
43 - Aaron Donkor: The Gewehr 43 was a rifle used in Germany in World War II. The Donkor 43 is a German weapon that the Seahawks hope to deploy for use in 2022.
49 - Joshua Onijiogu: I hate to say this one…I wrote about Onijuogu before the draft because Seattle had shown interest in the small school product after he had been mentored by former Patriots great Vince Wilfork. Wilfork was a key member of the Patriots team that won Super Bowl 49.
53 - Boye Mafe: Okay, I don’t fully grasp what the 53 means here but you can get a Funko Pop action toy figurine that’s “Vault Boy” for Fallout — 53. Also, the movie Fame won two Oscars at the 53rd Annual Academy Awards…Fame is an anagram of Mafe.
92 - Tyreke Smith: Hurricane Smith is a 1992 action movie starring Carl Weathers and damn if that isn’t a great opportunity for a nickname.
6 - Quandre Diggs: Diggs switched to ‘6’ last year, the number he chose in college to honor half-brother Quentin Jammer. Diggs was also a 6th round pick
27 - Marquise Blair: Linda Blair, best known for playing Regan in The Exorcist, for which she was nominated for an Academy Award, was even more successful at The Razzies: In 1986, Linda Blair was nominated 3 TIMES OVER for “Worst Actress” (Night Patrol, Savage Streets, Savage Island) and she “won” for all three movies. Blair was 27 years old at the time of making Razzies history. When Marquis De Sade was 27, his father died and he also had his first child. Marquis-Blair-27.
28 - Ugo Amadi: Ugo Amadi is from Tennessee, the same state known for the United Grocery Outlet chain of grocery stores. Also known as UGO. But you have to go to Marion, North Carolina to visit UGO store 28. Or you could follow United Airlines 28 (aka UA28)’s flight from Singapore to San Francisco.
35 - Joey Blount: The 1987 Nick Nolte movie Weeds came out 35 years ago. I use weeds to roll blunts.
33 - Jamal Adams: True story: The two first round picks traded for Jamal Adams turned out to be 23rd overall and 10th overall. And 23+10=33.
36 - Bubba Bolden: Mykelti Williamson, the actor who played Bubba Blue, was 36-years-old when Forrest Gump was filmed.
40 - Deontai Williams: Just remember Billy Dee Williams promoting the Colt 45 brand of 40 oz. malt liquors and then think “Dee Williams…Deontai Williams.”
42 - Josh Jones: The number ‘42’ is sometimes referred to as the most important/famous/interesting number in the universe. The last name ‘Jones’ is the fifth-most common in the U.S., the first name ‘Josh’ is the 20th most-common male first name, and so the name “Josh Jones” could also be referred to as one of the most famous. There is a .39% chance that if you first name is Josh, your last name is Jones.
8 - Coby Bryant: Thank you for making this easy on me, Coby.
22 - Tre Brown (PUP): This would be easier if “Tre” was “Dos.” The Running Event ‘22, also known as TRE22, is North America’s premier run specialty conference and trade show. Register now! I’m sure Tre Brown, who ran a 4.4 in the 40, would do quite well there.
23 - Sidney Jones IV: 23. Sidney Jones IV. 2-3-4. II-III-IV. Moving on…
29 - Johnny Reid: Music manager John Reid stopped representing the band Queen in 1978, when he was 29-years-old. The movie Bohemian Rhapsody makes it seem that Reid is fired for suggesting that Freddie Mercury goes solo, but the real life split was considered amicable.
37 - Elijah Jones: “Peace be upon Elijah! This is how We reward those who do good. He is truly among our believing servants.” - Quran, Chapter 37.
38 - Josh Valentine-Turner: If you run into an unfortunate situation in the UK, you might need to use Valentine&Turner funeral services in Orpington. You may need to ride the Orpington train to get to and from the service, which has a 3.8 rating on Google reviews.
39 - Tariq Woolen: He’ll look a little like Brandon Browner out there.
4 - Michael Dickson: The fourth letter of the alphabet is “D.”
5 - Jason Myers: I’ve always said that my favorite edition in both the Friday the 13th (Jason) and Halloween (Myers) series has been the fifth. Not necessarily always “the best” but just a favorite.
69 - Tyler Ott: I’m too tired after 90 names to hear anyone’s ‘69’ joke so please let’s just move on and say that we all know how to recognize the longsnapper. Instead, consider subscribing or sharing or commenting!