What if Charlie Sheen wrote Pete Carroll's motivational speeches?

Answering your comments from the last week...with Charlie Sheen wisdom: Seaside Joe 1595

Seahawks report to training camp in: 11 days

Last night, I was watched Charlie Sheen’s insane interview from 2011 —because re-living that moment just seems like something a person should be required to do every so often — and while celebrities usually hate being taken out of context, I think in this case it does him a great service. It couldn’t hurt Pete Carroll either if he used some of these in his next motivation speech for the Seattle Seahawks.

We remember “winning” and “tiger blood” but there were even better quotes to pull from and plaster on walls that day.

“Dying is for fools. There’s certain blends I will not entertain, because that’s how people go down. I’m too smart to do that. I’m sorry for the guys that that happened to, but you should have read the directions before you showed up to the party.”

I mean, I’ve never heard anyone say that before. What’s the cure for death? Just don’t do it. How could we have missed something so simple?

Charlie Sheen continued to pull directly out of the Lombardi handbook…if Vince Lombardi was a coke-snorting club promoter who wrote the script for HBO’s The Idol while on a week-long bender in Atlantic City.

“I have one speed, I have one gear: Go!”

“Can’t is the cancer of happen.”

“The Nike slogan doesn’t say “Just Try It.” Just do it, man.”

But even if you did want to pull Charlie Sheen’s most-famous word from that day—”winning”—which makes perfect sense for a halftime speed, it gets ten thousand times better when you remember the full quote. Asked if he’s bi-polar, Charlie Sheen responds:

“I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there. Now what?”

Imagine if Pete Carroll just turned any negative into “winning”.

“Coach, our starting quarterback is out for the rest of the game.”

Pete: “Our backup quarterback is winning.”

Or just throwout the game plan and replace it with “win”.

“Coach, their defense is tough. What’s the plan?”

Pete: “Win the run and win the pass. Now what?

If this interview happened now, the top comments would center around sending Charlie Sheen to an institution of the mental variety. It’s fascinating to see how people respond to Charlie Sheen’s 2011 intervew with a decade to think about it and to put it in the context of the modern day:

“Back then I thought he was nuts now this is one of the realest interviews ever he is speaking facts”

““Dying is for fools” this man is a poet.”

“Said some of the realest shit I’ve ever heard while also making me piss myself from laughter. Takes a drug test on the spot and passes it.”

“I love this interview because he's just being honest.”

“"I blinked and I cured my brain. Everybody has the power." I felt this.”

I love comments, but not necessarily always because of what people are saying—usually it’s because of when they are saying it. Comments are timestamp of the reaction to life at a given time; they tell you the temparature of the room, which is a context that is impossible to measure precisely without reading, watching, and listening to what people were saying about events when they happened. Or sometimes, with 12 years of hindsight.

Because this series has been popular so far, I will once again highlight some of the best Seaside Joe comments from articles posted in the last week.

I won’t bore you with another long request to please subscribe, so I’ll make it a short request: Please subscribe. Free or paid, it means a lot.

Now back to our one speed….Go.

Last week’s Seasider Comments: Shane Waldron origin story

Seasider Shaymus McFamous:

I started wondering what Pete saw in (Waldron), other than general exposure/ experience in McVay's system (is it even McVay's??). I can see why he hasn't had any head coach interviews. He really has very little meaningful experience, although he seemed to do pretty well last year as OC. But, then I was wondering how much does HE bring to the job, versus how much does he coordinate Pete's and the staff's offensive ideas into one play book? Could he have just been a coattail guy? Was he just a right place, right time dude that got a higher position promotion to jump ship and is in over his head?

Objectively speaking, I think these are all valid questions. We root for Waldron’s success because he’s got an important role on the team we want to win, but what proof do we actually have of an incredible resume or a destiny for greatness? From the perspective of optimism, I was very supportive of the Brian Schottenheimer hiring and we saw how that worked out. Whether Pete simply wanted to pluck from McVay’s tree or if he saw something else in Waldron (and we know that Russell Wilson played a significant role in the decision too), I can’t say entirely.

But then we look around the league and see who is having the most success—people tied to either McVay or Kyle Shanahan—and it’s not hard to imagine that the Seahawks wanted a piece of that too. So much so that they also hired Andy Dickerson. Now going into year three, it’s do-or-don’t time for the offense…One speed: Go.

Seasider Kastnjl:

From what I've learned on the Athletic's football podcast, a quality control assistant is the one who logs all the plays the offense/defense runs, what they ran against, and the result. This info is then used for analysis and scouting: whether in the week after, later in the season, or after the season.

Thank you! Another new thing I’ve learned because of the community.

Quickhitters:

Enjoyed the highlighting of community comments. Thanks!

Great round up of recent posts Joe. You’re right, it is great to have all the quality input from all the Seasiders.

Thanks for mentioning me in the article, it was cool to see my comment in the article!

Thank you Woodstock, Dale, and Defjames! I agree, the comments are so helpful for everyone and definitely I speak from experience and all that I’ve learned from YOU!

The most-liked post of the week: Seahawks fan honesty quiz

Going to start highlighting the Seaside Joe article that you “liked” the most that week and that’s going to be this one about Seattle’s offense and why they need to be realistic about the 2022 shortcomings in the second half.

Seasider Dewhub:

If you consider last season's results against expectations they had a great offense. If they can exceed our expectations again I will be a happy 12.

No doubt they exceeded expectations and this was a common reply to my article, as I think many people felt I was being too harsh or critical. I’m okay with that because I’d rather be too harsh than too lenient. I believe it’s better for me as a writer to be too critical and then dial it back than to just pay lip service to the team and the fans, which will never get adjusted and may not give a legitimate picture of reality.

Plus, when I’m critical or harsh and objective, that also means that you know that I REALLY MEAN IT when I pay compliments. That is actually a good segue back to Charlie Sheen and why people liked it/like it, which is that they seem to feel that even if you disagree with everything he’s saying, at least you’re confident he’s being honest and not holding back. I’d rather a person be honest and harsh than be fake and nice.

But going back to what Dewhub said, I predicted last offseason that the Seahawks would have one of the worst offenses in the NFL. They were much better than what I expected because they had some really strong offensive efforts in the first half of the season. However, if they play like they did in the last seven games—or if you don’t like week-stretch sample sizes, then just say “If they play like they did in their 10 worst games of the year” which was worse than the average team’s worst 10 games of the year—Seattle will be undergoing another offensive makeover at some point in the near future.

Tariq Woolen scouting report

That had a couple references to the Wright brothers in it…

Seasider Paul G:

I’m reading this in Kill Devil Hills on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, less than one mile from the Wright Brothers Museum and site of the first flight. I’m just meant to be a SSJ subscriber—it’s fate! Newspapers of the day filed their reports from neighboring Kitty Hawk, and the name stuck.

Synchronicity!

Malik Willis→ Seahawks makes no sense (again)

Many comments relay the fact that they’re just happy someone is willing to write that the popular narratives on certain quarterbacks are fake news (most recently this has often been Willis, who I think is in an unfortunate situation of having people like me have to dial back UNREALISTIC reports of his potential as an NFL starting quarterback) and I’m grateful that you feel that way. Because I do get nervous when I have to write these negative-sounding reports on players, but then I look at what “experts” are saying about them and feel like someone has to do it.

I’ll just summarize those comments by saying I appreciate the kind words you wrote and I would feel weird re-posting compliments of me, but thank you! I’m glad that the article resonated with so many of you.

From the Super Joes suggestion box

Members of the Super Joes “founding members” level were able to throw a few questions at me this week, so I’ll go through a few of the short ones as quick hitters. If you want to get the next Super Joes suggestion box, sign-up or upgrade to the founding members level. But if you aren’t Super Joes, I swear it’s not a big deal, it’s just a little added bonus and the Regular Joes delivers 98% of the bonus content.

Super Loaf Bench:

With the Seahawks throwback uniforms imminent, you decide to treat yourself to two new custom name Jerseys on release! One retired player, and one current active player! Which 2 players do you choose.....?

Can’t wait to see those throwbacks. There’s certain blends I will not entertain but since he was mentioned recently, I’ll choose Mack Strong for the retired player. And Jaxon Smith-Njigba for the active player because it’s good to squeeze in a hyphenate whenever you get the opportunity.

Super Roger Woitte:

What’s your music playlist? I’m always looking for new ideas.

I want to throw this one to the community because if you think my taste in movies is questionable, you definitely don’t want to hear my taste on music.

I’m trying to think of some albums I re-visited recently, which would include Amy Winehouse and 311, to very-unalike choises.

Seasider Rusty:

When did you become a Seahawks fan, and what precipitated it?

First Seattle sports love was the Mariners, followed shortly by the Sonics. Came into it right around the ‘92-’93 seasons, I remember getting a little hyped up for baseball in ‘94 and then the strike happened. Of course then 1995 happened and was very giddy for the M’s but then it felt like the harsh reality of MLB’s playoff format destined the team for disappointment when they had those great rosters in the mid-to-late ‘90s. Loved the Ichiro season in 2001, but had a hard time staying connected to the team when I moved to Los Angeles in 2009.

First Seahawks teams I really remember following were John Friesz in 1996 and then Warren Moon’s Pro Bowl season in 1997. Got excited for the Mike Holmgren/Matt Hasselbeck era starting in 1999 and definitely got the sense a few years later that football was my favorite sport. But it was in 2011, when I started writing about the Seahawks as a job, that I made the decision to drop all sports except for the NFL because I wanted to be as good at that as I could possibly be; any time spent following other sports felt like time that could have been spent learning something new about the NFL.

Explaining the Sonics and disinterest in the NBA goes without saying.

I know almost nothing about any sport or league other than the NFL now.

Quandre Diggs: part II of Origin Story

For the second time, Quandre Diggs re-tweeted my article on him. Thank you, Quandre! Now get Jamal Adams healthy and don’t let him get hurt again.

Seasider Chris Snape:

I believe Jordan Brooks was wearing a mic, and Quandre could be heard saying I just can't push off on my right leg. This was early season game 6 or there abouts, but he made a big hit. The second half of last year we got to see the real Quandre Diggs

Seasider Rozone:

Diggs is such a good fit for the Hawks!

Seasider Quint:

Can't believe this only costs me $5 / month

Thank you, Quint!

Previewing Seahawks training camp: Offense

This was a bonus post for Regular Joes this week. This is part of a much longer comment about Seattle’s offense and need for an above-average defense (sorry to take you out of context and correct what I do get wrong) but loved the analogy and the story. We have SMART readers around here!

Seasider Village Idiot:

Once upon a time, about 30 years ago, I was a design lead for an assembly mechanism on The Program Eventually Known as ISS. Most had been on the team longer than I and were emotionally invested in one particular aspect of the design. Others of us (yeah...yours truly) wanted to change that aspect. I was not popular, but management agreed with me.

One of the most important test guys, a retired Master Gunnery Sergeant ("Top" Thompson) was hard against it. Managment (literally) says "I hope everybody is in the same boat, now". Top says "Nope!" from the back of the room. "I'm still on the beach. You miserable &*#($*%&^rs might turn out to be right, but I am on the beach."

Ken...you might be right, but I am still on the beach.

Seasider Hawkman 54:

A little off topic - I used to record (VHS) every Seahawks game and rewatch via being able to stop -rewind -slow motion etc.! It was Great! You could actually figure out who did what, right, wrong or? -

Still have the 88 AFC west Championship and the whole 2005 season thru to the Superbowl (which I have watched? don't know how many times), Screaming at the Officials! Point being, you could really learn and understand who was doing their job and who not. Can't seem to find the equivalent any place else. So if there is, let me know. It is just for the love of the game and the team, and my sickness ,so the wife says with football! Frankly I don't see it that way! I just, Yes Love It!

That’s great commitment! We should have an ‘88 watch party some day.

Seahawks vs Eagles offensive comparison

Finally, I did go off on one of my longest tangents all year in a recent article and I shared a criticism from a fan, but just to be clear not because the comment UPSET me! I know that my goal is not to make 100% of people like 100% of what I write…that’s impossible, unsustainable, and not the desired outcome of Seaside Joe.

If 30% of the people like 90% of what I write, then I’m doing something good! It’s just a good jumping off point, and perhaps partly therapeutic, to share replies like that sometimes. Just to be clear, this is a comment on my comment on that comment, not the original comment:

Seasider Zezinhom400:

You do write some tangents sometimes, and you do talk a bit about your personal growth. But guess what: Life isn’t just football, and although football is what we signed up for, more and more people are signing up which to me means those tangents and personal stories are additive. I for one am inspired by what you do personally. Maybe that’s not what our fellow seasider means by blabbing, but if it is, I’d say most of us like it!

It’s one of the most important balances that I need to be focused on with regards to writing a literal DAILY newsletter: Be about the Seahawks at all times, but don’t forget to be yourself.

Believe it or not, I get requests for “Keep us updated with your life X, Y, Z” and hence I do drop that in sometimes. I could always do a better job of the flow and getting the chemistry right, and that’ll be a constant effort to improve. For all of you who have stuck with me or joined the ship recently…you make me feel like I’m winning.

Thank you!