Vision Board: Seahawks-Jets
3 predictions for Week 17, including Kenneth Walker and homefield advantage: Seaside Joe 1397
Two of the greatest men that my world has ever known are Gene Siskel of the Chicago Tribune and Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times. They did not only change film criticism, they talked about movies with an honesty and art that is lost on the vast majority of those who have come after them and in my opinion have since ruined the same industry that they essentially created.
Siskel died in 1999, shortly after his 53rd birthday, and Ebert died in 2013 at the age of 70. We lost both of them far too soon for me to ever accept, but in some small way I take consolation that they don’t have to watch Hollywood’s output of crap today. One of the best times of the year used to be watching Siskel & Ebert’s “Worst of” specials and I’m afraid that if the show existed in 2022, they’d have to make it a weekly edition instead of airing their grievances on an annual basis.
And no film critics today are as brilliant, biting, astute, and funny in tearing down movies that deserve it as Siskel & Ebert were in the ‘70s, ‘80s, and ‘90s.
Take this clip of the “Worst of 1990” as an example of the types of criticism that Hollywood stars and directors need to hear today rather than what most critics and film writers produce instead, which is lip service to their idols and fervent, mindless fanbases in the hopes of helping their own careers. This speech by Gene Siskel could be one of my favorite things he’s ever said, if not for the fact that everything these two men say is important and worth hearing.
“I know that sequels make money, but they also soil reputations and I hearby applaud every actor and director who has the courage, the self respect, and yes, I suppose the bank roll to stay from repeating himself or herself. And I mean that, it takes a lot of guts! When you hear a director doesn’t do a sequel (claps) I applaud.”
We remember Siskel & Ebert’s takedowns because it’s titilating and salacious to hear somebody criticize someone for their work, but notice that he’s also applauding those who do what’s right. We don’t have enough of that in Hollywood today and it’s probably why movies have gotten as bad as they are recently. The only focus is on box office and how to attract streaming subscribers.
Of the top-10 box office hits of 2022, nine (the top-nine) were all sequels or parts of a franchise: Top Gun 2, Black Panther 2, Multiverse of Madness, Jurassic World Dominion, Minions: Rise of Gru, The Batman, Avatar 2, Thor: Love and Thunder, and Sonic the Hedgehog 2. The 10th-highest grossing film was Black Adam, another comic bood adaptation.
There’s your modern Hollywood.
Roger Ebert jumps off of Siskel’s speech on sequels to warn Eddie Murphy that he’s too talented to make bad movies that disappoint his fans with films like Another 48 Hours. This was in 1990, when Murphy was the biggest and most bankable star in the world. By 1995, after Boomerang, The Distinguished Gentleman, Beverly Hills Cop III, and Vampire in Brooklyn (which made the “Worst of 1995” list), Murphy’s career was all but in the tank, saved only briefly with 1996’s The Nutty Professor.
That would tentpole his career for a few months, and his only successful appearances in movies since have been as a voice actor or in smaller parts, with most of his other movies (including The Nutty Professor II) only further damaging his reputation. Now imagine if Murphy had been willing to listen to critics like Siskel & Ebert rather than take offense to harsh reality. Their recommendation was for Murphy to go find a great supporting role in a good movie rather than always trying to be the star of bad movies for good money, but it took him until 2006 before taking the Oscar-nominated role in Dreamgirls.
Furthermore, I’ve been going through Golden Globe-nominated pictures and “top-10 lists” recently and stunned at what passes for being a “best movie” of any year. The five dramas: Avatar 2, Top Gun 2, Elvis, Tar, and The Fabelmans. The five comedies: Babylon, Banshees of Inisherin, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Glass Onion, Triangle of Sadness.
I haven’t seen all 10 movies and I won’t tell you which ones make me the most disheartened—some of these films are good—but we really needn’t go far to find consensus criticism of Babylon, Avatar 2, or Glass Onion. The Godfather has a 97% on Rotten Tomatoes, The Godfather, Part II has a 96%, and Goodfellas has a 96%, making them equally good movies to Glass Onion and Top Gun 2…according to critics.
Do people still not realize that if a studio is willing to spend $200 million to make a movie, they’re most certainly capable of throwing a few million to stuff the ballot boxes and skew the scores and critics in their favor?
I do not need good movies to win awards, especially not Golden Globes. I do not need good movies to make $200 million at the box office. But I do need Siskel & Ebert right about now because nobody else is willing to tell it like it is and I think that’s a whole lot of what the world could use today.
As you may be able to tell, I’ve thought a lot about Siskel & Ebert recently. They were good men. They were real men. They inspire me to be good and real and that’s what I always hope to bring to Seaside Joe, as my intentions are to say what I think fans need to hear rather than what someone else might think they want to hear.
I am not 100-percent sure where I am going with this but I believe you can expect more references to Siskel & Ebert in 2023, as my gut says that they will lead us towards finding a better sequel to the 2022 Seattle Seahawks than the original.
But we haven’t reached the end of the third act quite yet and spoiler alert: the Seahawks are set to take on the New York Jets on Sunday in a game that both teams need to win to keep their playoff hopes alive. If Seattle loses this one, then I’ll see you at the movies sooner than we hoped for prior to losing five of six games.
Can we still extract a happy ending out of 2022?
Last week’s Vision Board against the Chiefs was not that bad, not that great. I would not recommend it.
Pete/Shane/Clint have a perfect gameplan (Vision: Thumbs up) I’ll give myself a slight thumbs up because of Pete and Clint Hurtt’s defense keeping the game close into the fourth quarter. It was Seattle’s offensive gameplan sans Tyler Lockett that really hurt, as the Seahawks had only three points for as long as it actually mattered.
Hold the Chiefs to low rushing total (Vision: Thumbs up) The 77 rushing yards allowed was the second-lowest of the season.
Jordyn Brooks shines (Vision: Thumbs down) He added eight tackles to his resume, but Pro-Football-Reference counted FOUR missed tackles, his worst such performance of the season by far. They also credited him with allowing four receptions for 82 yards. If Brooks makes the Pro Bowl (he’s an alternate) that will raise his fifth-year option by nearly $4 million, just under $15 million in 2024. That’s not the type of player he is and I’d have to “thumbs down” his fifth-year option at that price.
Seahawks dismantle New York’s “Good Son” rivalry at QB
In an episode that highlights movies about football (The Program) and New York (A Bronx Tale), I want to focus on this quote about the 1993 thriller The Good Son, a movie that I did quite like as a kid, probably for all the reasons that Siskel & Ebert hated it.
“It inspires an obvious question which is why in the world was it made? What possible audience is there… Maybe somebody somewhere sees it as entertainment, but I see it as an exercise in irresponsibility by everyone connected to the project. Especially by the young boys’ parents and managers, who should have thought twice before exposing them to such a distasteful role.”
Yep, sounds like playing quarterback for the New York Jets alright.
Though I support criticism, I do grow tired of hearing the same criticism repeated over and over again ad naseum, so at least we won’t be subject to Zach Wilson talk this Sunday as Robert Saleh has declared him inactive. It will be Mike White making his seventh career start and Joe Flacco as the backup.
Try as you might to claim that Mike White is New York’s white lotus or sole survivor, there is good reason to believe that the Seahawks can take him to the school of rock. Take White’s two best starts (715 passing yards, six touchdowns, two wins) and he’s got the goods to be Elijah Wood.
Focus on his two worst starts (one touchdown, six interceptions, two losses) and he’s sulkin’ like a Culkin.
I do not expect either offense to be impressive on Sunday. Make all the Zach cracks you need to get out of your system, that’s fine, this is a horrible supporting cast and I’m left wondering the same questions as Roger Ebert…His parents and agents needed to give him better advice than accepting an invitation to play for the Jets.
New York’s offensive tackle tandem of Duane Brown and George Fant is much worse than when they were Seattle’s offensive tackles for Russell Wilson. Outside of rookie Garrett Wilson, there isn’t a single receiver or tight end worth a target. And the Seahawks run defense may have finally met its match. Since losing Breece Hall—you know, when of those “over-drafted running backs”—New York has turned to one bad running back after the next. Most recently, rookie Zonovan Knight has started the last four games, rushing 51 times for 182 yards and 3.5 YPC. The Jets lost all four games.
I expect Tariq Woolen to get his seventh interception and for Uchenna Nwosu (nine sacks) to reach double-digit sacks this weekend, leading to Joe Flacco’s first appearance since throwing two interceptions in a Week 3 loss to the Bengals. And Flacco too will be left Dazed and Confused.
What’s wrong with home…field advantage?
I was born in late 1982 but I didn’t decide to come into consciousness until after VHS tapes made watching movies at home relatively comfortable and enjoyable. This 1988 special on “What’s wrong with home video?” from Siskel & Ebert comes before then and is one of many fascinating specials that fans can watch with hindsight today.
Here’s another question for you: What’s wrong with Seattle’s homefield advantage?
Once the most feared away game in the NFL, going to Seah— I mean, Que— I mean, Cent— I mean, Lumen Field (all the same damn company anyway) used to mean something. Now it means that you’ve got as good of a chance to win as on a neutral field.
The Seahawks lost at home in Week 3 to the Falcons, a team that has lost six of seven and since benched/said goodbye to that quarterback, Marcus Mariota. They lost at home in Week 12 to the Raiders, a team that has benched/said goodbye to Derek Carr. They lost at home in Week 14 to the Panthers, a team that started 3-8 and was letting Sam Darnold make his second start of the season. And they lost at home to the 49ers in Week 15 against Brock Purdy in his second career start.
If you wanted Lumen Field to intimidate Mike White, think again.
Seattle is 3-4 at home this season with wins over the Broncos, Cardinals and Giants. It’s bad, it’s pathetic, it’s no good. And no, I’m not talking about Jurassic World Dominion.
The Seahawks situation at home has been nothing to brag about recently, as Seattle lost their first three home games in 2021 and finished 3-5 and they were just 4-4 in 2019. There is no way to resolve that 2022 has been another disappointing season at the stadium that should be nameless, but beating MikeJoe WhiteFlacco and Baker Mayfield in the next two weeks at least guarantees a winning record. That’s the VHS I’m talking about…
Valuable Home Stadium.
Terminator 2: Judgment K — Kenneth Walker’s spectacular special effects
“Thanks to some truly spectacular and mystifying special effects, this is one terrific action picture.”
For Kenneth Walker III, we could highlight reviews of “Cool Runnings” or “The Godfather Part III” or “Field of Dreams” or “Speed II: Cruise Control” and they would all fit. My hope is that on Sunday, Walker gives us a glimpse into the industry-changing special effects we’ve seen from him at times at Michigan State, Wake Forest, and as a rookie on the Seahawks by posting a breakaway touchdown run of at least 70 yards.
Something we haven’t seen from a running back since…Kenneth Walker III in Week 7.
Walker is coming off of his third 100-yard performance of the season and his full season pace over the last nine games would amount to 1,205 rushing yards, 17 touchdowns, 4.7 YPC, and 32 catches for 253 yards.
Imagine if he had a better offensive line to run behind.
The Jets rank eighth in run defense DVOA and sixth in yards per carry allowed, but they’ve also allowed at least 99 rushing yards in 12 of 15 games this season. I’m looking for Walker to post the most rushing yards against the Jets of any running back this year (Raheem Mostert, 113 yards) and to have the longest single run against New York’s defense.
That would put Walker much closer to reaching 1,000 rushing yards as a rookie and then next year…He’ll be back.
Ok, I graduated high school before you were born, and was watching Siskel & Ebert back then, too! What made them special for me is that you could tell they (especially Ebert) they really *loved* movies--the making of them, the actors, the directors, everything. They were fans, first, and made their criticisms from that point of view.
This game is a pivot point: if the core of the Seahawks is good and they are building something positive for next season, they will win this game. If they lose, the Seahawks are a lot further away from being 'good' than we as fans would hope. This is a 'winnable' game and the Seahawks need to go out there and grab the W like it was a box of popcorn and they were going to see The Gladiator.
I do see the Seahawks prevailing, as Walker gets loose, Geno gets his game right with no turnovers, and Tariq shows that he is the main course and Sauce is just a condiment--with another interception return to the house. This will be a truly ensemble cast effort though with great performances on ST, DL and OL.
Go Hawks to the happiest of new years!
I'm seeing this as a game between two mediocre to poor teams, Seattle wins and we all agree life is worth living, but the best part of the weekend is that Houston, Chicago, Arizona, and Kansas City all win and push the Denver pick closer to #1.
Next week is when it all gets crazy. Houston and Seattle both win, and Seattle goes to the playoffs and gets the #1 pick.